Resolved to. . .
I tend to be inspired to come up with resolutions around other milestones like birthdays, anniversaries, transitions, etc. etc. But this year, after what can best be described as an oddly out of step fall, I find myself wanting to jump on the New Years’ Resolution bandwagon.
Here in no particular order are a few of my goals for 2020. You’ll notice I’ve taken the time to define some of my terms; friends have informed me that my definitions of things tend to lean away from conventional understanding.
Slow Down
As I was sitting down to write this, I noticed there were still three wine glasses on my kitchen table and in my haste to get down to writing, I whisked them off and onto a nearby coffee table. Two of them were empty.
One (mine) was still half-full from a couple nights ago when I had two friends over for my famous latkes. (Housekeeping surely should have found its way onto this list, but that may need to wait for Spring.) As I whisked it mindlessly away from my writing/kitchen table, a lot of wine sloshed up and out and all over the table, the wall, the floor, a nearby briefcase, the seat of a chair.
Rolando, you klutz! I shouted.
But that’s not right. I’m not a klutz. Here I define klutz as naturally clumsy or prone to slips and falls and dropping things. I am not physically uncoordinated. What I am, however, is often in a rush and often distracted while I rush. The result is often the same as if I were naturally clumsy. But since I’m not, I consider myself lucky. Lucky to have an easy solution.
Slow down, Roland.
When I slow down I get so much more out of the adjustment than a neater living space. I also get an uncluttered mental space, too. And I give myself the time needed to recognize how I feel about whatever it is I’m about to do.
Some people call this mindfulness.
I call it slowing down.
Call it whatever you like. Just do it. And see how swiftly life will change.
Wondering how it’s possible to not notice that a glass of wine is half full? Here:
Touch One Friend Once Each Week
I use the word touch not to creep you out but to make clear my intention. Seeing a friend via Zoom or Skype doesn’t count. I hope to place myself in the same physical space as one of my friends at least once each week from now until the day I die.
Now, I do think it’s important to define one term here: Friend.
By friend I mean someone who knows you well enough so that you’re comfortable letting your hair down in their presence. You will know what this means for you personally. For me, it means, someone I’m not afraid of letting see me at my most insecure. Someone who will understand when I confess to feeling bad about a recent failure or misstep. Someone who likes me despite some of my stranger personality traits. For example, my outgoing messages on my phone tend to be a little out there and silly. Often I sing off key or put forth tidbits of pseudo philosophy to silly effect. Anyone who doesn’t find this charming ain’t gonna be on my list of friends.
By friend I do not mean any one of my online followers, likers, applauders or sharers. Although some of my actual RL friends are also those things too. :)
When I spend time talking and listening with a real friend my blood pressure goes down and my mental state balances a little more stable. A good friend will tell you when you’ve made a mistake. And they’ll do it from the best possible place with this assumption at its core: you know better, are better, and will want to change for the better.
Friends want what’s best for me. And vice versa.
That’s why being with them often is so important.
Physical Activity — Planned and Unplanned.
I define physical activity as anything that gets my heart rate up to…
Nope. I’m not going for a number here, like x beats per minute or anything like that.
I define it as getting my heart rate up sufficiently so that I lose track of whatever may have been bugging, distracting or holding me back. The best exercise clears my head and frees me to begin again. It renews and refreshes me.
I resolve to schedule time for this physical activity once every three days.
In other words I’m okay with taking a day off or even two days off to be a complete slug. But never three sluggish days in a row. That works for me. You’ll find whatever rhythm makes sense with your busy schedule.
I can tell you, however, that this past fall I exercised less than I ever have in the past twenty years. And, frankly, at my age, that scared me! And you know what really fueled my slothful couple of months? Self-pity. It’s, of course, a viscous cycle. Feel sorry for yourself. Eat bon-bons in bed and pull the covers over your head. Feel bad about your shape and avoid the gym. Rinse and repeat.
But by my definition, there’s no need for a gym. A nice walk certainly qualifies.
Which brings me to 2nd part of my plan vis a vis exercise this year.
When I’m stuck in my work, I often want to numb. I’ve been known to numb in most of the usual ways, with: drugs, alcohol, overeating, excessive napping or by binge watching some mindless TV.
If I’m feeling stuck, I know from past experience that a long walk or a swim at the Y or any other physical exertion will get me unstuck more effectively than any of the numbing activities listed above, none of which do anything to increase blood flow.
So this year, when I find myself writing around in circles, I’m gonna get up and run around in circles instead.
Tending to the Business of my Business
I make plays and films and I also teach a lot of creative folk in online classes. All of this work requires marketing and planning efforts on my part.
The less time I devote to marketing my online classes, the fewer new students I find to enroll.
The less time I devote to researching potential collaborators for my plays and films, the fewer of those plays and films will be produced and seen by audiences who like my work.
I realize now that I have to fight against my own prejudice about this. Unfortunately, I grew up with a myth about show business. The myth went something like this: If you build it and it’s really great, they will come. Period.
Truth is, most careers require a little weeding, fertilizing and watering. But one in show business requires a lot.
My resolution for 2020 is simple. I’m going to schedule time for research, networking, outreach and marketing with the same loving care I currently devote to writing and teaching.
If you’re a writer, director, producer or performer, I suggest you join me and do the same.
If you’d like to hold yourself accountable, consider taking one of my online workshops.
Sorry! That’s gonna be the last bit of promotion in this piece. But, truthfully, could I forgive myself if I didn’t include just one here? Especially as I share the importance of marketing and promoting one’s work…
Take a Risk at Least Once Each Week
I define risk pretty loosely but I still stand by this one as absolutely essential. Risks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There are the interpersonal risks such as picking up the phone and calling someone you’ve had a falling out with. And there are career risks such as accepting a gig that might potentially challenge you to the breaking point but could also open up new areas of exploration, i.e. risking failure.
We can take physical risks and emotional risks and you know better than anyone what they are for you. Because of course what’s risky to me may be perfectly safe to you. And vice versa.
It’s about discomfort, though, isn’t it? Intentionally stepping into an area of discomfort is a great way to keep alert, refresh our own notions of what’s safe and what’s scary and open up the possibility of surprising ourselves.
There’s no greater thrill than coming out the end of something you were terrified to try with a newfound confidence about a future go.
It’s powerful stuff when we stretch ourselves. And as we get older we need to remind ourselves to go there more frequently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEZ4jkN8bRw
Segregate and Limit Online Time
This one’s growing harder and harder to keep to with each passing year. And that fact alone should suggest that doing it will become more and more essential in the coming decade.
I include the following in my list of online activities: Social Media, web surfing of any kind, Youtube watching, Email and Texting.
I sometimes jump online to research a topic for my writing. I have a simple rule about this, though. After 30 minutes online, I need to take my research to the next level. What’s the next level? Reading an actual book or visiting an actual library to dig deeper into the subject. That way I prevent research from slipping into online procrastination.
I try to limit email and texting to two windows each day. Generally, I’ll try to include responding to emails in my lunch break and then will again log on to reply at the end of the day, either right before or right after dinner.
It’s not always possible for me to hit this target, but I like it as a goal and am sticking to it as such. Increasingly, people seem to expect us to reply to questions posed via text in an instant.
I have one friend who will send me text after text asking “Did you get my text?” until I reply.
I think we can train our friends and co-workers to calm these expectations by disciplining ourselves around the frequency with which we check our devices.
For me, I aim for twice a day. For you a more feasible goal might be 4 or 5 times each day. But if you do identify windows and stick to them with religious ferocity, the rest of your day will be so much more productive.
I’ve noticed for myself that both social media and emailing and texting have an insidiously addictive quality. And so on my phone, I’ve disabled the push notification function that puts a dot on the icon of whichever app has something new to show us. I find that helps a lot.
I also put my phone in a different room when I’m doing serious work or meeting with a real friend for real conversation.
And this one might strike you as madness but… lately I’ve been trying to go to one appointment each day without my phone. That can be a meeting for work, a lunch, a show, a movie, a walk or whatever. But I do try to separate myself from my phone once a day for the duration of at least one activity.
Sometimes when I’m meeting a friend for a meal at a restaurant, I’ll shoot them a quick text letting them know: I’m heading out to see you. I’ll be without my phone.
This makes me feel free.
If you decide to try it yourself, please send me an email or post a comment here to report on what, if any, effect it has on your mood, productivity and general sense of well-being.
Happy New Year!
